I bet you know the women who make chappos in one of two ways. There are women who have a set schedule and their routine is like clockwork. Sunday is challah and chicken day. Monday is baking day. Tuesday is Grocery Shopping Day and Koogl’s Day. Wednesday is fish and chicken soup day. On Friday, egg salad, tuna salad, and cholettes. Or to make the whole Shabbos on a Thursday night.
The other woman doesn’t really have a schedule. She cooks when she feels inspired, and sometimes needs to buy pre-made foods when inspiration isn’t. Often cooking starts and ends on Friday.
What is the right way? the ward? Or plan it? Whatever method brings you closer to completing the image of yourself or who you want to be is the right path.
For the scheduled woman, your routine feels good; Everyone is showered thoroughly before eating shabbos, the meals are hot and fresh, and you feel comfortable going to shabbos. No wonder you stick to it!
You are the woman you aspire to be.
On the other hand, some creative types might shudder at the timeline I mentioned above. It feels stuffy and boring to stick to the same routine every week. You pride yourself on being laid-back and spontaneous. And you like it to be that way.
Despite this, it is not always a good idea to relax. For example, when you can’t find your keys and are running late for appointments, or when you and your spouse keep arguing about the mess. This kind of relaxed attitude hurts you and doesn’t align with the positive image you have of yourself.
So for you, we have to strike a balance. It wouldn’t be helpful to compare yourself to the perfectly organized woman who makes shabbos the same way every week because this feels stifling to you and self-defeating.
How can you get chips week after week without feeling exhausted and stressed?
I will be as painless as possible. You need to make a rough list of everything that needs to be done before shabbos. I didn’t say “plan” or “schedule” I said list. You can make a list, right?
If this is too frustrating for you, have someone sit with you while you do the chores and write them down on paper.
Then, once you have a list, next to each item, write down the amount of time you need to complete this task. Do you realize that most of us underestimate time. Studies show that many people see time differently. You know the feeling when you’re reading a novel and 15 minutes have suddenly passed when you said you’d just read for 5 minutes! Re-learning to tell the time. If you think it only takes 7 minutes to run 10 miles, double your estimate.
Now, all you need to do is connect your list to your week. For example, if it takes you 45 minutes to prepare and cook the chicken, plan a time during the week that you will have 45 minutes to do the job.
Once you’ve typed the main menu, you can see what time you have available. Then you can fit in tasks whenever you have time. If the kids have been outside for 45 minutes, this may be a good time to put the chicken.
In Shir Shel Yom, we define each day in relation to Shabbos, “Hayom Yom Rishon L’Shabbos”, etc. This rating helps us remember Shabbos constantly. I love the idea of doing something every day of the week for shabbos. Consistency is very helpful for personality types that are distracting. Look at your master list to help you decide what to do on any given day.
Try this fun idea:
Get a few different colored note cards. Designate a blue card for a 5-minute job, a pink card for a 15-minute job, and a yellow card for a longer job. Put a list of jobs on the cards and put all the cards in a transparent container. When you get an “opportunity” (First find out the real duration of this opportunity!), choose a card, knowing that if you only have 5 minutes, you will choose a blue card. It’s fun, somewhat flexible, and you’re safe because the tasks are pre-made so you know it’ll all get done in a timely manner.
If you only keep this jar for making chappos, you know the jar must be empty by Friday.
Another idea that I would recommend to everyone, is a time map. List the days of the week at the top and the hours of your day at the bottom of the page. Draw boxes or parts of time and label them. Grocery store from 9-10 on Tuesday eg. 3-4 exercises. Try. You can still feel somewhat flexible on this map and color code to get your own creative fix.
A friend once mentioned to me that her kitchen is like a bis hamikdash (temple) and she is a kohen gadol (chief priest). What a great image to consider when you take on housekeeping duties whether you are a perfectly organized individual or a more relaxed person.
For either of you, with a little planning and consistency, I have no doubt you’ll be able to make your domestic dreams come true.
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